At one in the afternoon, I shared cervezas with my boss and a few coworkers. The talk of Valentine’s Day started, and I pretended to take interest in small talk, but the best company I had that lunch was my Dos Equis. I wanted a decent buzz on, more for the courage to get through the afternoon.
At three PM, I poured some Jameson into my coffee while I sat pounding away at my laptop. I had a thought to ask out 91, because, well I truly wanted to spend a few more hours with her. So I randomly called her up and asked what she was doing in five or so days. I think spending a few hours with someone that knew about the site, really got me out of being Travis for awhile, and was the least Travis-esque I had felt in a while, which is why I tried to go for it. Unfortunately she mentioned a boyfriend. It didn’t entirely surprise me, but there are worse things in the world than the word no. I’ve been rejected enough over the past 98 days to just shrug it off, and go about my day.
At six in the evening I sat across a booth from Nicole drinking three glasses of water, trying to have half a nerve. I told her about the project, about fucking Taylor, about all of it. And, funny enough, she was okay with all of it. Not one hundred percent, but she didn’t storm out cursing, or even seem to get all that upset. She told me that she knew I was mixed up and going through something, and could tell I wasn’t quite ready for a relationship, but she loved watching TV with me, harassing me when I’m sick, texting me in awkward situations, and just straight up being with me. And I didn’t feel differently about her. I swear I could have told her that I loved her right then and there, but I wouldn’t have meant it. In a lot of ways, it was like my latest ex. We were great and awesome, and I loved her…but I didn’t love her the way you always hear about. She didn’t want anything but what we had, well she did, but she was really and truly okay with it. But I think I just knew that it wasn’t love, and maybe she deserved more than me, and I deserved less than her.
By nine I was in sweats and a ratty old T-shirt with holes and bleach stains. I bought a six of Sam and decided that after 99 days, the night belonged to me and my long- necked brothers, the only acceptable form of bromance. I talked to a few fans of the site drunkenly when they asked what I had planned for the next day, and for Valentines. They kept waiting for the big finish, and I kept waiting for the numbness to wear off.
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